I used to credit my exit from the House community on my Ex wanting me to "go legit" and get a 9 to 5 and I resented her for it for a long time. I now realize that it's all on me as I didn't have to listen to her considering we ended up breaking up anyway. Ironically she now calls me asking for info and assistance with her forays into the music field. If her new husband has any misgivings about her contacting me for anything other than the welfare of my son he has not voiced it aloud. Good way to keep the peace (something I never learned with her) although many points of contention I had with her I now share as he has the same outlook (she told me that most of the things I said to her he now says). It's like she married my clone without the anger and outspoken nature. At first I resented him for taking my family from me but now I look at it as.... well I'll keep that one to myself as I know her and she would take offense.
The point is that a lot of things you do to please someone end up as wasted time, energy and emotion as you still end up in the same place you would have if you did what you wanted or if you never met that person at all. Don't get me wrong. I miss my son every day and I never truly got over her and even her new daughter feels as if she should be my daughter. Now I'm not one of those guys that go all obsessive (even though I'm not too far gone not to recognize that I am getting obsessive). I'm the type that feels my success proves my position in any conflict meaning the more successful I become, the more it proves the other person made a wrong choice. I don't know if that is healthy but it gets me through the day until I find a better way to live. One of the most profound things I've heard recently would be: “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” - Bill Cosby
I wish I had been wise enough to know that on my own rather than hearing it from someone else 12 years after the fact. C'est la guerre.